Jessie Earth Momma

I Wanna Play With My Friends!

The wee-est one has had a nasty little cold the last few days. Much to her dismay, she's missed school two days in a row, though, it makes up for it when you get to spend most of those days hanging out with Gramma. Both girls know the second best place to be when you are sick is on Gramma's big purple couch, snuggled up in blankets and being served tea (sweetened with honey of course!). The first being your own bed with Mommy and Daddy, being served tea (sweetened with honey of course!).

Happy for her, she's on the mend and should be well enough to see her friends again in this morning. I found it funny and heart warming and even kinda gross looking to wake Claire up for school before the sun is even up and have sicky Autumn, snotty nose and crusty eyed, smiling, say, "I'mb all bedder momb. Can I go to scho..hack! hack! hack! snifffffffffffffff."

Preserving Summer

Locally grown, home squished strawberry preserves will surely make for a happier winter.

Birthday

 
Claire's card for Autumn with her hand made 'sistership' necklace.

"Autumn, how old are you?"
"Ff-ree!!!
 

Blocks Out: Baby In

 

We've seen thisonce or twice before...

The Process of Healing

Healing will take a long time. I have to hack at it one issue at a time. Its hard to delve into yourself and be honest with how you are truly feeling or what is genuine and what is a farce.

I could deal with the big issue first: my dad. Though that river runs so strong and deep that I doubt I'll ever come to terms with it. (At least I can say out loud what my deepest issue is.) I think that dealing with the here and now will produce more results and make for a better, quicker healing process. (Besides, I only get one refill on my Valium prescription.)

Issue #1...Here goes: We put Claire in public school.
(Gasps! Shock! Eye brows up, anyone?)

Yes, we did it. Well, I did it. Ryan felt public school (I am NOT sold on public high school) was a good choice for our family before it was a consideration in my head and he had made up his mind long ago. (Thank you dear, for letting me do what I felt was best.) Though his values are equivalent to mine, he is a practical creature and I, well, am not. (For those of you who know a bit on astrology, he's a Cancer and I am a Leo. His water cools my fire and my fire heats his water. We sway to the extremes, but always meet in the middle, warm and comforted.)  As you know, we've tried everything. Every possible way to school our children that we felt best fit our values and needs. Catholic school, private (hippy) school, home-school, home-school with supplemented two day private (hippy) school.

Alas, our system was breaking down. Mom was breaking down (pills, anyone?). Dad was frustrated with the break down. It wasn't working. Too much driving. No days off for mom. And Claire...stuck in the middle. Desire to learn still burning...confused. And no real friends her age.

It took a conversation with Ryan's mom. One of my best friends. She tells it like it is, allows me to do the same, and I respect her immensely for it. She doesn't sugar coat her words, but she offers options; hope. Bawling on her couch, I laid down my sword and admitted defeat. I can't do it anymore.

The drive to the district office was surreal. I couldn't believe what I was doing. In my head my devil was screaming "this is against everything you believe in. This is not what you truly want!" Ignoring the voice, I walked in, asked for the papers, filled them out, and thus, my goddess, my child, my saving Grace, was registered to finish out the second grade in a public school. (My stomach still turns. OH WELL.)

We held hands as we walked into the school. 700 some odd children going about their routine, eating in the cafeteria, talking, laughing. We waited. Waited for her teacher. Doe eyed, and nearly frightened by the noise, smells, sights.
Walking with the teacher down the halls through the twists and turns, we entered the classroom. (Just as I had expected. Precisely what I had imagined.)

Bell rang. It was time. Eskimo kisses and one last hug. She turned (Black leggings, Tye-dyed short tiered skirt, multi colored OM jacket and black converse chucks. She calls them her Bella black chucks. BTW she's reading) and walked away from me, continually looking around her with an expression of awe; quiet intimidation. I must admit, she looked cute.

Fingers crossed. Breath held. And there she goes...

*Need to exhale to allow for healing.*

A Morning Together

Night Time Ritual Difficulties

Bed time is difficult for Autumn. She cries as soon as we mention its time to brush teeth. Tears! Oh, the anguish. I'm not sure what is her internal conflict. Isolation? They share a room. Bunk beds. Was it the incident with the water fountain?
A few weeks ago, she was aces with bedtime. Not a problem with her pull-up, brushing teeth, jammies on...

Oh, Precious Sleep

Its a relaxing Tuesday morning. Coffee and the newly downloaded Gossip Girl episode, this momma is happy.

We are awaiting the arrival of a new piece of furniture. A bunk bed for the girls! Bedtime has become a bit of an issue. A 6:30pm bedtime and 7pm lights out has turned into 11pm lights out or mommy is going to flip! No longer do they hunker down and cuddle each other to sleep. Its a battle of dollies, teddies and blankets equally distributed lest the other cry in outrage: "Gimmmmmmmmmmmmie blannnnnnnnnnnnnnkies Cwayrrrrrrrrrr!"
My happy little co-sleepers are ready for separate sleeping quarters. And their parents are ready for sleep. A test run proves that once they are separated (Claire in our bed, Autumn in theirs, sleep immediately follows.

Wish us luck in putting the beast of a bed together! And hopefully we get a full night tonight!

Pumpkin Farm

*From our trip to the farm*

Traveling Girl

I started this morning at 3am. I use my cell phone, as my alarm.
I downloaded the first few licks of Yellow Ledbetter Mom-Don't ask me to translate this one, the lyrics are incomprehensible by Pearl Jam and effectively ruined the sanctity of the song. If I hear it playing I am filled with the feelings of "No! Damn it. I did not get enough sleep and I do not want to get up!" This morning was different. Ps. Grunge lives in this 90's child!

Claire, my little jet setter, is going to on her way to Colorado and from there to New York. We were up before the sun (it has yet to even peek above the mountains in the east here) early to get her dressed and loaded up to travel with Grandma and Poppa across the country. She is traveling lightly, and aside from clothes, packed the essentials: Her glasses case, binoculars (for spotting birds in the air while in the plane-how cute is that?!), her nature journal for documenting said birds, crayons, math workbook, and her dolly. 

I'm not doing so well with her leaving for 5 days. I've been avoiding thinking about what it will be like without her smile and constant sparkles of glitter that seems to magically fly around her as if from nowhere wherever she goes, and even held off packing till right before bedtime last night. (She was NOT pleased with my lax attitude. Thought she was very patient with me, apparently, going to New York is the only thing she's been thinking about.) 

Autumn is still asleep in their bed. She has not yet woken up and I fear tears will be shed once she does. Though we did explain to her last night that Claire would be with Grandma and Poppa for a few days to visit Darby, she has no way of comprehending such a lengthy travel nor foresee Claire's return. There will be much tea drank and cuddles to be had. We fully expect a nightly visitor in our bed this week as she's never slept in bed alone.

(Wow, the sky is still black and its 6:07a.)

After Claire whisked herself away in her limo aka Mom's Passat driven by chauffeur Dad to pick up Grams and Pop and be deposited at Sea-Tac International Airport.

I've remained in bed keeping myself entertained with coffee, laptop, and taking a test for my class.

Morning Climb

Up the stairs between the art walls.

Bummer Days

This is what it looks like when you don't have a fenced yard and your parents are busy in the house and can't be outside with you because you are two years old; but your sister is seven and can be trusted to ride her bike and 'STAY IN THE GRASS!' with the neighbor girls....

Happy Birthday Festivities

 
At the start of Claire's festivities was a hair cut with her favorite stylist, Ashley. Claire loves The Body Boutique (my former *fantastic* employer). I think she feels special when she's there. I wait in the lobby and I can hear those two chatting and having fun.

Then of course the perfect cut for the perfect seven year old!

Very cute in front of the Bumble and Bumble wall. We're not a fancy family, and times like these (especially for Claire) come few and far between and are ever so gratefully experienced.

From the hair cut, we went to a bird party hosted by Aunty Shann, Aunty Ally and Nana.

Of course we must chase the ducks through the yard and garden.

We pet the alpacas and their babies!

We ate Claire approved food: Annie's organic mac and cheese, broccoli and bean burritos!

We went on a scavenger hunt!

Had to climb a tree for the present!

Claire's Birthday Ritual/Blessing

Happy Birthday, Claire!

Still Life Watercolor

This is Claire's First Grade/Kindergarten split class. (Claire is 4th from the right.)

In this photo they were on a field trip for still life water color painting. They were to find inspiration in the trees, grass, mountains, the stream (not pictured). They all came home with very beautiful artwork.

Have a lovely weekend! Be creative in one thing you do this weekend, and maybe let me know about it! I'd love to see!

7 Week Count Down

In seven weeks, Claire will be seven! We'll be having her party on the seventh.
I'm already planning. I'm going to attempt to handmake this entire party.
Decorations, crafts, games, food, gift bags, presents. The whole shebang!
I've enlisted the help of a fellow blogger, Crunchy Peas, and asked her to fashion some lovely gifts for the birthday girl. I lack certain crafty skills, knitting for one, and she's superb.

Seven seems to be a significant age in a girls' life.

We were talking about cells and how your body regenerates itself entirely every seven years. Claire was fascinated at the thought of being a brand new person on her seventh birthday.

She's growing into a little lady and she doesn't even see it. She's still innocent. She's still a wee lass. That innocence is giving way to innovative ideas, new perceptions; becoming wise.
I have already begun to grieve the loss of her childhood. In reality, she has many years left of innocence. She's not exposed to TV, commercials, makeup (for the sake of painted 'beauty'). Ryan and I encourage her creativity, independence, and most importantly her self confidence.

Her seventh birthday marks many milestones for Claire. It also marks the day I became a mother.

Claire has been my saving Grace. (Claire Grace)
I was in an intense place in my life and she came unexpectedly. One month clean, and positive pregnancy test was in my hand, I had a new life to live.
There was no 'choice' to be made. She was here. She was alive. She was.

The beginning of the road was long, bumpy, and filled with experience.
Claire and I were peas and carrots. Buddies. Two single ladies living. Breathing. Growing together.

We are still growing together, comfortably, happily.

Catch-up and Results!

After much anticipation (I pre-ordered this book last year!) I finally I received it in the mail.

This is the most fantastic book I have ever read on parenting. I ripped open the box and took it out. I hugged it. I nearly cried. It encompasses nearly every aspect of my ideas of creative living and parenting. I have read this book three times cover to cover and am re-reading it again.
Through her blog, I was able to witness the entire process of her writing, searching, pondering, struggling, editing, and finally sending off her manuscript to be published. Her labor has come to fruition and there are thousands of other blogger ladies (and gents!) out there who are reading this book right now! Amanda gives simple and easy ways to help your children and family be more creative. Her projects are no fuss and fun. : : :

Morning Water Painting

(Ps. We did stop cloth diapering. Moved onto http://www.seventhgeneration.com/Diapers.)

Morning Oil Pastel Coloring


Thrifted:




Antique doll bed. (Dolls from here!)


For the dollies.


For the girlies!


For the Earth Momma.
: : :
Well, folks here it is! The moment you have all been waiting for. The results are in. All names have been tallied and totaled. Names have been put in a hat and have one has been selected for the Blogiversary Giveaway!
Jessica! Please send me your address my dear and I shall get to crafting something lovely especially for you!
Thank you thank you to my readers. Your comments were heartfelt and touching.

Whew!

Happy Birthday, Baby!

It all began for Autumn in the womb. But on this day, two years ago, she entered the world. Out of the void and into my arms. She has given our family a sense of completeness. She has shed her light in areas of our world that we never knew to be.

Happy Birthday, Autumn. We love you! This should prove to be an adventurous year for us all!

Outlook

Perched perfectly. Poised.
Outlines of softly molded features. Bones, muscles, flesh, hair.

Gifts

Dear Relatives and Friends:

We appreciate how much you love our children, and, as you know, we are trying our best to raise them to respect the world and above all, live mindfully. This year, for holidays and birthdays, please join us in our efforts to raise strong kids by resisting the urge to buy the commercialized clutter advertised on TV. Here are some different gift ideas:

Spend time together. Activities need not be exotic. A trip to the fire station, a performance, or a trip to the swimming pool with you would be special.

Encourage their hobbies. Talk to the children to discover what they would like to do. A class in martial arts, trapeze, gymnastics, or hula dance might be perfect. We will provide transportation and arrange the details. Each time they go to class, we'll remind them that this experience was a gift from you.

Choose toys that have no real end point, or winners and losers. A box of scarves from a second-hand store, or irregular handmade building blocks, would be great. These are surprisingly satisfying to children as the less the toy does, the more the child will!

Choose a toy you remember from your childhood-such as a hula-hoop, wooden airplane, or red wagon. A story about you as a child using that toy would be a great thrill for them

A hand written letter in a pretty envelope.

Make something-a hat, a kite, a checkers board. Kids sense the difference when someone cares enough to make them something.

Give something really useful. Age 1: small silverware set. Age 2: flashlight. Age 3: step stool. Age 4: bowls, baskets, sewing kit. Age 5 and up: accessories to encourage our child's natural interests-swim goggles, a new basketball, art supplies, etc.

Give something alive. Bulbs in the fall, seeds in the spring, or a houseplant, cactus, or terrarium anytime. Please check with us before giving animals.

Honor the children with a donation to a nonprofit organization that addresses their concerns. Talk to them to find the best fit. Humane societies, environmental organizations, and food banks resonate with the concerns of many children. Even the very young understand the importance of giving.

Thanks for making this occasion a celebration of what really matters to our family.

Love,

Ryan and Jessie

Little Readers

My little girls. In the absence of television and in the presence of three avid adult readers, my wee goddesses have begun what I can only assume to be their own private, and necessary, obsession with books.

Tis books that are scattered across my floors. Tis books that take the spaces on their shelves. Tis books that they enjoy. Even little Autumn, who entered her 23rd month of life in a blazing glory (shout out to Renee) ,has grabbed her autonomy by the reins wielding a ferocious ride for all in this house to endure that we must hold on to our butts for dear life, has begun to sit and read and concoct her own babbled stories, that I can only assume are her renditions of the actual book itself in her nearly two year old interpretation.

I, myself have just finished a novel. I don't much care at all for fiction stories. I much prefer to be in my own head, but this one was a  journal from the 1600's  and though in technical library terms it is fiction, in Jessie terms, it is non fiction and will remain so in my head.

"The books you read as a child influence you in a way that no other reading does."
                                                          Meg Ryan-You've Got Mail

Stick-Poke

: : : 7-10 days after: Battled 104.2 temps. Ended in a pox-like rash : : :

I don't judge. But for my babes, I did immunize. If the reaction was this small to a tiny dose, I can't even imagine what would have come of the true virus.

Fever is gone today. Pox-like rash is gone as well.

There are somethings that I feel strongly for in the Natural Family movement. But, if I don't have to watch my child die of measles or whooping cough or any childhood disease, then I won't. Perhaps my stance, for the record, is to alter the contents of the shots-make them safer.

Basket Baby

L.O.V.E.

When Claire was first born, I thought I would never love any one thing as much as her. She was my saving Grace. She was my masterpiece and nothing in the world could recreate or match the emotion she made in me.

Then there was Autumn...

When I discovered I was pregnant (it wasn't a surprise by any means), I was so happy. It was magickal. Being older and a few years wiser, I was able to take in every last detail of the physical pregnancy. There was, though, a place in me that was fearful. Emotionally fearful. I was frightened that I wouldn't be capable of loving this new baby as much as Claire. I was so in love with Claire that I actually feared splitting the love I had for her with the new baby.

After Autumn was born, my attention was mostly directed at her. She spent the last 10 months inside me and then the next 12 on my breast. She and I were very attached and I was very much in love with her. And it felt different from what I felt for Claire. My fear had changed and I feared I loved my new child more than my older one. I felt immense guilt and it was beginning to hurt.

Now that Autumn is no longer spending the majority of her day at my breast, my love for her has changed as well...

I was sitting on the couch last night watching a movie with my husband and Josh (our roommate-did I tell you all we have a room mate??) I had an epiphany that made me feel so at ease and guilt free.
The love I feel for my children is different everyday. Though the love itself is never changing, the intensity waxes and wanes as Mother Moon does in the night sky. I had failed to remember that there is anther variable in the equation of my love: the beings that I loved. They change everyday. And some days I am on the same wave as them and some days I am but off and on a different wave. It ebbs and flows. Regardless, the love in its existence never falters. And there is where I made my peace.

Imagination at Play

The less the toy does the more the child does. A child's work is her play.

Weekend Bits

Watching the relationship between these two soul mates has been phenomenal. These little moments between sisters are part of what makes this house so happy.

My first shot at Solstice gifts. This little buddy is a free pattern from Amy Butler. There are a few things to be tweeked but all in all, Lil miss Autumn will love her 'Titee Tat' come December.

Peace.

Home School?

I would like to home school my girls. I have this sincere desire to keep them out of public schools and out of religious based private schools. I read so many home/un/waldorf/montessori/ schooling blogs and I am fascinated by the parents who are undertaking the, what I would call, enormous, task of teaching their children.
I do believe that no one can teach my children better than I can. Yes teachers do have degrees and yes they learn to teach children in a classroom setting, but I firmly believe that there is no soul on this earth that can teach my child the way I want them to be. I want them to learn what it is to be a human in the circle of life not just a child in a desk.

(Please understand that i judge no one's choices of schooling public/private/home. We all choose what we think is best for our children.)

My thoughts:

• I am just finishing school. My husband is a full time student and disabled at that and does not work. I am afraid that I won't have the resources to keep a house and be at home daily to teach. I also enjoy what I am educated for. I'd even like to continue my own education someday.
• I am afraid I won't have the right books to teach her. I don't want to have to buy a bunch of stuff to teach. I want to use what is around me but how do I do that

• I am afraid I won't teach the right things or teach enough things. If she decides she wants to attend a contemporary school, I am afraid she won't be in line with the rest of the children

• I am afraid our younger daughter won't get enough attention. Though I 'm sure I can change things to suit the baby, I don't want Claire to feel interrupted or distracted.

• I'm afraid I won't get the support I hope for from my family. My mother is a teacher. Though she does teach at an alternative bi-lingual school and has taught co-op school as well...Ryan's mom?

• I'm afraid I won't be able to keep up on my own life as a woman.

• I'm afraid that I won't be able to keep up the house.

• I'm afraid I don't have enough space! We live in an apartment here people!

I know these are genuine fears and concerns. I am going to talk to my daughter's teachers and see if they will help me make a curriculum that we can follow and maybe she can attend Burlington Little School part time.

I just don't know! Any homeschool mommies and daddies that can help me here? Calm my nerves? Give me a boost?!

First Day of School:First Grade

First day of school and we must go on a treasure hunt! Sign your name and complete 6 tasks to find 6 coins and you will find the 'real' treasure...

Describe a shell at the science station, draw it, color it and write something about it that you see.
"Mom, it has a spiral!"

Build a two story house.

Read a book.

Once you have completed all the tasks, you deposit your coins in the treasure box and may peek at what the real treasure is...Inside the box is a beautiful antique mirror. The 'real' treasure is what is reflected in the mirror. The kids got a kick out of it!

Claire came home from school and told me how happy she was there. She said they  played and sang and read books and that she listened to the teacher. She was happy to be there.
I was happy to have her there. It seems like a very neat school with everything I could have hoped for in a first grade. Building center, dramatic play center, science center, sand table, circle center, reading center...there are more areas of the room. There are no desks. Just a big circular table in the center of the room where they all gather to color and practice writing.

...oh and by the way. What sold me on appearances...

THIS is the reading center.

Added bonus:

A faery altar and a goddess statue! How could I have not found this school 2 years ago?!

Broken!

Running around the house, jumping onto the recliner, bouncing off the recliner and into the raw wood window frames will, in fact, break a little nose. In the photo, it is bent a bit to your right. She's a champ. A 5 hour visit to the ER, X-rays and examinations concluded our dinner party with the Bouey's .

Artsy Fartsy

While attending a birthday party, Autumn gave the hand sign for 'more' and 'please' and pointed to the easels. Once there she created a mater piece like none other. I love watching her color and scribble and paint and build. Certainly she has learned the ropes from Claire, and certainly she has a creative mind of her own. There is nothing more beautiful than a tempera painted work of art made by the hand of a wee one.

Removing the TV from our home has opened the door to more creativity than I could have ever imagined. Both girls use different mediums (chalk, water color, tempera paint, pencils, pens crayons and markers) to release their mind's beauty.

How wonderful that this small moment in time was captured for all. What was she thinking? What was she feeling?

A Room of Our Own

Claire and Autumn are in their own rooms now. We are no longer a co sleeping family. Though Claire has enjoyed her room to herself and Autumn, our bed with an All Night Milk Diner, the constant waking and restless sleeping led us to believe that Lil' Sis should join Big Sis.

My camera doesn't quite capture the 'cuteness' of this room.

Most importantly, the Dream Catcher hand made by Grandma Kathy. Claire was suffering from frequent nightmares so a thoughtful room smudging for banishing negativity and a charged dream catcher have done the trick. (Also, the presence of her warm baby sister has helped.)

   Their names are hanging on the wall pinned to brown satin embroidered fabric. Wooden letters I painted while I was pregnant! (Autumn's name doesn't show clearly) The rug was a sure steal(mis marked from 70$ to 24$!) from Target.
   On the wee table you can see a crocheted baby blanket that once wrapped my tiny body while in my mother's arms.
   The bed Claire Grace rests her head in, I once rested my head as well as my Mother, my Grandmother, and my Great Grandmother (Claire's Great-Great Grandmother).  Its a wonderful piece of family history that I do not know much about; something I will surely investigate!
(Not pictured is the changing table, cloth nappies, and baby 'stuff'. Lower right corner is the cushy green recliner for nursing and book reading.)

Our favorite reads are Wild Child, a story of Mother Earth trying to get her little wild child Autumn to sleep. Claire's obvious favorite is Claire and the Unicorn, a book about a little girl lost in the place between sleep and awake who finds herself looking for the 'true' happily ever after.

Its hot in our house. We're going outside...

Bitten!

Yesterday Claire was bitten by a mosquito. Her forehead was swollen like a peach. Ice brought it down but when she woke up this morning, her eyes were swollen shut.

Poor babe. Off to the Naturopath!

This and That

...I created this bag from a pillow case!  (Nevermind the messy floor and sewing machine that is still sitting out)...

...as shown better by Miss Grace...

...Chocolate ice cream cone a happy baby doth  make...

Pomp and Circumstance

I am one proud momma. My baby, well my older baby,  graduated kindergarten tonight. She turned 6 yesterday and is now officially a first grader (by modern standards).
Surrounded by her full, yet incomplete entourage of Grammas,  Poppa,  Nana, Dad, Mom, Boueys, and Aunties Claire made her way up the stage to collect her diploma and came down a new girl.

September brings a new dawn. New school. New friends. New experiences.

I leave you with this...

My Stage

These are my children. Autumn the nursling and Claire Grace the curious. After an evening of cookie baking and teething woes we collapsed together in the ever trusty recliner for a session of cuddling and 'real' comfort food.
I am having trouble letting the words flow from my mind to my hands at this moment. I am in love with this photo as this is truly who I am. I will let the photo speak for itself.

Teething Torture

There is nothing more pitiful nor challenging (parentally speaking) than a teething babe. They want so much to feel happy and contented, yet the gruesome process of breaking flesh with jagged tiny teef-ers is exquisitely painstaking for such a little mouth to bear. Tis awful for child and parent alike. One minute happy; tears and whimpers the next. By night, sleep is interrupted by painful cries for babe to find small solace in the warmth of mother's breast and body. By day, relief comes in the form of whole fruit frozen pops and snuggles. No relief for Ma and Pa. Just patience. This too shall pass and on to the next.